


This is Not a Title

by hpd_lance



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, I know I should be updating my other fics but I just, M/M, all of the fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-21
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-25 03:03:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3794266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hpd_lance/pseuds/hpd_lance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>K so John and Karkat meet, Karkat is head of the drama club, John's the new kid.</p>
<p>I'm drowning in cliche.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which Dave Notices Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Such cliche  
> much procrastination
> 
> I'm sorry I'm not updating my other fics but I've been writing this one and like??? Figured I'd post it bc like it's no fun writing when nobody's gonna read it.

John's first week of school was... less than perfect. He'd signed up for drama club, which... eh. He'd met the leader, Karkat Vantas, who was kind of an asshole, but in a good way. A nice guy if you actually talked to him, but an asshole.  
He'd probably flunked algebra on day one, and he'd found out that it was probably not a good idea to tell Eridan Ampora to fuck off. None of the kids here were very nice. There were some that at least tolerated him, like his sister, his cousins, and Karkat.  
And some guy named Dave.  
Dave was cool.  
Dave's older bro Dirk was actually dating John's cousin Jake, which John thought was kind of funny, because Jake had always been fond of the phrase 'no homo'.   
John hadn't noticed Karkat staring at him, but apparently Dave had. Dave noticed everything behind his shades. Everything.  
"So, Johnny boy," Dave said, lunch time- day six of school. 174 days remain.  
"Yeah?" John asked, placing an apple on his lunch tray. Wow, lunch sure was shitty at this school.  
"You noticed how Karcrab's been keeping an eye on you, right?" Dave inquired.  
"What?" John hadn't noticed anybody staring at him, let alone Karkat.  
"Yeah. He can't quit looking at you, dude!" Dave replied, a smirk on his face.  
"So? Maybe he just hates me or something and is planning my murder." John laughed, trying not to think about how cute Karkat is. Must not think of his cute little button nose with all his freckles and his pretty brown eyes that were all twinkly and-- no John. Stop that.  
"Not with how he's going all heart-eyes emoji any time you're not looking."  
 _Wait Karkat is going all heart-eyes emoji?! Oh my gosh._  
John couldn't help but wonder what that looked like. Probably a mix between a puppy and a lost baby deer frollicking through the woods. Holy shit that image was adorable. John, no, stop that. No gay thoughts about this guy you've only known for six days. But he's so cute though. So. Fucking. Cute.  
Yeah.  
John, stop. No John. Don't think about how his adorable red hair falls in his face and just goes all over the place. Do not think about his cute little lips and how he chews on them when he's nervous. John. John I said not to think about that. John no.  
Bad John.  
"Dude?" Dave's voice pulled him back to the now.  
"Sorry, I kind of spaced out for a minute..." John trailed off, looking back at Karkat, who was sitting at their normal table. Well, normal for the past six days.  
"Dude. Seriously. You've got almost an entire school year to think about how you're gonna ask him out. Don't think about that in the middle of the lunch line, you're holding up the works."  
"What-?! I wasn't- I mean I was but- no Dave-- just shut up!" John was downright flustered.  
Dave: 1  
John: 0  
"Just get lunch, Casanova."  
\-----  
John sat down at the table, across from Karkat. Karkat was doing his best not to go all heart-eyes emoji while John was looking. He tried, he really did.  
John was just really hard not to fall for. He was nearly perfect. Even his buck teeth were attractive. All of him was attractive.  
He had all of the attractiveness.  
All of it.  
His hair was perfectly windswept like he'd just stuck his head out of a car window going 80 on the interstate, his eyes were electric blue, and they twinkled like a billion stars. He was darker-skinned than most of the other boys Karkat had met, and he was also nicer than most of the boys Karkat met.  
10/10 would fall in love at first sight.  
He was also, as far as Karkat knew, sadly, "not a homosexual". Karkat was daydreaming about their- seemingly nonexistent- future together any chance he got. Karkat stop that. Karkat stop. Karkat. Karkat.  
"Karkat?"  
Well shit Karkat. You went all heart-eyes emoji again. This time John had noticed.  
"Hey dude, you're kind of staring at me." John said, obviously trying to suppress a grin. Fuck him. Literally fuck him.  
"See, I told you, heart-eyes emoji all the way!" Dave piped up from beside Karkat.  
Fuck you Dave. Fuck you.  
John laughed, making Karkat's heart go all fluttery like somebody had put a butterfly in his chest.  
"Shut up Dave. Fuck you." Karkat said, blushing and staring at the ground.  
"Not interested. John might be though."  
Both John and Karkat nearly choked on whatever the fuck their lunch was. Seriously what the fuck is that even?  
"Shut the fuck up Dave." Karkat said. His face was redder than a tomato at sunset.  
"Yeah Dave, at least let me buy him dinner first." John said, and Karkat nearly drowned in his drink.  
"Fuck you, John." Dave said, taking a sip of his apple juice. Seriously, apple juice? What kind of teenager drinks apple juice. Come on. Apple juice is clearly for children.  
"Sorry, Dave, I don't like you like that. I'm flattered, honestly I am--"  
"But your heart belongs to another. I understand."  
"I'm sorry, Dave."  
"Tis a sad day for all coolkids. Truly, this is the end of me." Dave pretended to stab himself with a fork, then fell face-first into his mystery meat.  
"No! Dave! He was so young, he had so much to live for..." John pretended to sob into his hands, glancing up at Karkat.  
"Good riddance." Karkat mumbled, which got him a kick in the shins from Dave.  
Dave sat back up, mystery meat grease on his face. "I am the ghost of Dave. Here to fuck all your bitches."  
Karkat rolled his eyes.  
"All of the bitches are mine. All of them. Your sister especially." Dave said, obviously talking to John.  
"Dave no. You can't-- no. Jane is off-limits to anybody who knows me. Besides, her girlfriend wouldn't be very happy about that."  
"Damn it, John! Who is her girlfriend, I must know."  
"Some girl named Roxy Lalonde. She's nice, but I don't really know her all that well."  
"Roxy. Oh my god really? Your sister is dating my cousin. Fuck."  
Karkat thought he would interject, "Lalonde? My friend Kanaya is dating Rose Lalonde. Are we all just going to end up related?"  
"Apparently."  
"No, wait... I wouldn't be related to anybody unless..." _Unless I marry one of you guys._ Karkat had been about to say.  
John shrugged. "Well, we'll burn that bridge when we come to it."  
"Pretty sure that's not the expression, John." Dave said, rolling his eyes.  
Karkat had started staring at John again. He's too hot. Hot damn. Call the police and the fireman.  
Karkat was pretty sure he was going to die if John didn't stop being cute as fuck and hot as hell. John why.  
He was going heart-eyes emoji again. Damn.  
"Hey uh, Karkat?" John was talking to him.  
"Hm?" He answered, still staring at John's face.  
"Are you gay?"  
Karkat flinched. Ow. This question? Now? Ugh. "No. I'm not 'gay'. I'm pansexual, and before you ask, no, I'm not sexually attracted to pans, and no, I'm not attracted to anything and anyone."  
"Oh. Okay. Pansexual means you're attracted to people by their personality, not their gender, right?" John, how did you know so much? Do you have a Tumblr too John.  
"Yes, actually. How did you.....?" Karkat asked.  
"How did I know that? One, I have a Tumblr, two, I'm asexual. I dunno about my romantic orientation though."  
"You really know a lot, don't you?" Dave asked, feigning interest.  
"Well... yeah, I guess so." John shrugged.  
Karkat was definitely in love. It took every ounce of willpower not to propose on the spot.


	2. In Which John Has a Crush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> headcanon here: John is actually demisexual eue
> 
> John is like demisexual/biromantic? idek at this point  
> my headcanons are all over the place here

John was tempted to just scroll through this guy's blog forever.  
Tumblr user carcinogeneticist was his favorite blogger, even though he never posted pictures of himself or anything. He posted pictures of his cats all the time, tagging them _kar'cats'_ which John had never thought much of, until he'd met Karkat. He had all ideas Karkat was this guy, and he wasn't sure how to feel about that. He was just scrolling when he came across a post saying, "That moment when the guy you like asks if you're gay and you think, 'well shit, I have to explain this carefully' but he already knows what pansexual means and you have to resist the urge to propose right then and there." and he was 100% sure this was Karkat, and he really wasn't sure how to feel about this.  
\---------------  
 _Why the fuck is this guy reblogging all my stuff???_ Karkat was thinking as he scrolled through his notes on mobile Tumblr.  
Tumblr user ectobiologist was always a friendly name in his notifications who Karkat had always viewed as part of his "squad". They were mutuals, which was cool. They'd talked before, and he seemed like a really cool guy. But Karkat was terrified of talking to people he couldn't see face-to-face, and he hadn't approached him after his first few messages.  
He really wanted to talk to the guy. Apparently so did he.  
Karkat had a new message notification on his laptop. He clicked on his inbox. There was an ask there, from ectobiologist.  
"karkat???????????"  
\-----------------  
John wasn't expecting a reply right away, but his inbox was highlighted with a 1 above it.  
"How the fuck do you know my name?" was the answer Karkat had given him.  
He clicked on the message box. He thought it was funny how it was titled, "There's a good name for this askbox honey, you just haven't thought of it yet." obviously referencing the song by Panic! At The Disco. John loved that song. He loved Panic! At The Disco in general.  
He started typing.  
\----------  
"It's John."  
Shit. Well, hopefully John hadn't seen his post about... shit he'd seen it. He'd liked it. He'd reblogged it, tagging it, _oh. ohh. o h._ Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit fuck.  
"Uh.... How to respond. How do I respond?" Karkat asked himself.  
 _I could just throw myself off of a bridge. Or I could text him... no I don't have his number. I could ask for his number? No that might be weird... should I ask for his number over Tumblr or should I ask in person? Should I send him gifs of my cat? I should send him gifs of my cat._  
A few cat gifs and 'lol's later, John asked for his number.  
Uh.  
Shit.  
Okay.  
\-------  
Five seconds after John texted Karkat, he got a reply.

_HI. MY PHONE WON'T LET ME TURN OFF CAPS-LOCK. YOU HAVE OFFICIALLY BEEN WARNED._

John laughed, because he didn't even know phones could do that.

_hehehe wow  
i didn't even know phones could do that_

John didn't have to wait long for a reply. Karkat sure could text fast.

_THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO. MY "FRIEND" SOLLUX THOUGHT IT'D BE FUNNY TO WRITE AND INSTALL A PROGRAM ON MY PHONE TO MAKE IT WHERE I CAN ONLY TYPE IN CAPS. I GUESS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IRONIC BECAUSE I WAS SHY? I DON'T KNOW, BUT WHATEVER IT WAS, HE'S AN ASSHOLE AND I CAN NEVER TYPE NORMALLY WHILE TEXTING._

John couldn't help but laugh. Poor Karkat.

_you could get a new phone?_

_ALREADY TRIED THAT, HE SOMEHOW TRANSFERED IT HERE TOO._

Wow. That Sollux guy sure sounded like an asshole.

_huh. so...  
what to do?_

_I HONESTLY DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE CAPS LOCK. I LIKE IT._  
\-----------  
Karkat had been nervous about texting John after... well, since John knew he liked him, but John didn't act as though anything had changed. If anything, he acted _more_ friendly toward Karkat, and he was grateful, but still, he wished John would just stop letting him down easy. John was asexual. There was no chance in hell of them happening and he wished John would just tell him "no" outright instead of getting close and letting him down easy.

Karkat kept forgetting that asexual and aromantic weren't a package deal.  
\---------------  
John wasn't sure what he was feeling. He wasn't used to this. He'd never felt really _in love_ before. Sure, he'd had crushes before, but those turned out more platonic than anything else. This was different. This was very different.  
He felt actually attracted to somebody for the first time he could remember. He hadn't expected the first person he ever truly liked to be a boy, and he'd never really thought about it before.  
Shit.  
What was he going to tell his dad?  
Nothing. He wasn't going to say anything to his dad about this. He would make sure he was sure before telling his dad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah Tumblr-savvy John and Karkat is a thing
> 
> (Karkat has like 1,000 followers and John has like 30 not including Karkat)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is short and shitty but have it anyway because I dunno what else to do at this point.

Three weeks later, Karkat was at John's house. (He sincerely hoped John had forgotten about him liking him, but given the current situation, it wasn't very likely he'd forget.)  
They were just sitting on the floor, staring at this stupid piece of paper.  
Why were they staring at the paper? Because right there, front and center, was a crudely-drawn picture of the two of them, standing side-by-side, hand-in-hand, surrounded by little red hearts.  
For some reason, the artist had given Karkat little horns that looked like a mix between candy corn and cheetos. He was very confused.  
He wasn't sure who'd drawn it, but whoever it was obviously knew Karkat liked John.  
The only people who knew about that were John and..... Dave.  
Dave. He was responsible for this.  
 _Ugh. I am going to **kill** Strider._ Karkat thought, grabbing the paper from the floor, crumbling it up, then tossing it in the trash.  
"So... Dave. Dave did this, I'm pretty sure." John says.  
"I figured that out already, yeah."  
\------  
Later, John found himself wondering what had possesed Dave in order for him to make this picture and put it in Karkat's locker.  
All he knew was, Dave had somehow figured out that Karkat's feelings were mutual, and John was conpletely terrified that he'd tell Karkat.  
He couldn't let Dave tell.  
He wasn't even sure of his feelings yet, he couldn't let Karkat find out.  
\------  
Karkat was sure Dave had been trying to say something with that stupid picture.  
Sure, John already knew that Karkat liked him, but the picture had been in _his_ locker, not John's.  
He found himself wondering _why_ Dave had put the picture in his locker, and why he even drew it in the first place.  
Maybe the picture had been meant only for him. Maybe Dave knew something Karkat didn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah my writing got sloppy during this chapter
> 
> oh and next chapter is going to be a little different
> 
> (I'm telling it as if you are Dave and you are shipping Johnkat as Dave it makes no sense but fuckit)


	4. > Be The Johnkat Shipping Coolkid

You are now Dave Strider.

You stare critically at your two friends. They can't tell that you're staring at them. They're two oblivious dorks who are totally both in love with each other and you are determined to get them together if it's the last thing you do.

They're both too shy to ask the other out.

You'll need to give them a shove in the right direction.

\------------------------------------  
You called in advance to let Mister Egbert know you were kidnapping his son for a few hours. Karkat's father had given you permission to pick Karkat up from his aunt's house.

You were going to shove them both in a closet until they work out their feelings.

\------------------------------------  
They're both in your room at your house. Time to put your diabolical plan into action.

You tell them there's something totally awesome in your closet. They'll totally buy that, right?

When they lean to look in (after much persuasion on your part), you shove them both inside and lock the door.

"DAVE WHAT THE FUCK?!" Karkat shouts from the closet.

"You're not getting out until you've had a nice, long feelings jam!" You reply.

"DAVE LET US OUT YOU OBTUSE DICKMUNCHER!" Karkat shouts.

"No, Vantas. Not until you've worked out your feelings."

"WHAT FEELINGS?! THERE ARE NO FEELINGS TO WORK OUT!"

"There are some feelings." John mumbles.

"SHUT UP EGBERT YOU'RE NOT HELPING."

**Author's Note:**

> So John is Tumblr-savvy.
> 
> Yup.  
> That is a thing  
> that happened.  
> Yeah.


End file.
